Chess Daffynitions

AAGAARD: Grandmaster who changed his name to be first on the FIDE rating list.

ADJOURNMENT: pause in the game so that both players can get help from chess computers and high-rated players.

ADJUDICATOR: someone rated 200 points than you that can render his judgment not in your favor after looking at the position for less than one minute.

ALEKHINE: type of battery for digital chess clock.

ALGEBRAIC NOTATION: A way of recording games for those who can't describe them.Unlike the metric system, it was adopted by the United States eventually.

AMATEUR:Someone who hustles in chess for money.

ANALYSIS:Proof by computer or master that you could have won the game you lost.

ATTACK: a short, sharp-pointed nail.

BACKWARD PAWN:A pawn that lives deep in the woods.

BAD BISHOP: another Catholic caught in a sex scandal, or the only bishop you have left on the board.

BAROQUE CHESS SET:Unrepaired chess set.

BATTERY:See Alekhine.

BIRD'S OPENING:a small hole in the side of a coop.Named after Henry Bird, who was nearsighted and always grabbed the wrong pawn on the first move.

BISHOP PAIR: strange bed fellows.

BISHOPS OF OPPOSITE COLORS: a very strange couple.

BLITZ: A game of chess where the players move faster than they think.

BLUNDER: A sacrifice made to get a tactical disadvantage, leading to a lost game.If the game is won, however, then it is called a brilliancy.

BOARD: What chess widows are at chess tournaments with their husbands.

BRILLIANCY: A combinative sequence that didnít lose and is easy to see once the solution is known.

BUGHOUSE CHESS: Team chess game where you can always blame your losses on your partnerís play.

BUST: bad opening when playing a well-endowed female.

BYE:A full point given to an odd player who has nothing to do.

CENTER:For normal players, it is the d4, d5, e4, e5 squares.For hypermodern players, it is the a1, a8, h1, h8 squares.

CENTER COUNTER: small table in the middle of a room.

CHEAPO: A trap that loses a piece and is so obvious that only an idiot would fall for it, and he does.

CHECK: what chess players hate to hear at a tournament or restaurant.

CHECKMATE:A position a novice gets himself in because he doesnít know the words ďI resign.Ē

CHESS:A game played on squares by squares.

CHESS LIFE: A magazine that comes out late once a month about tournaments that occurred 6 months ago.

CLASSIC CHESS BOOK:A chess book that people praise and donít read.Usually written in descriptive notation.

COLLE: opening for dog lovers

COMBINATION: Series of moves that is too long for the average player to understand until pointed out to him.

COMPENSATION:A lie that chess books and masters tell you when you are a pawn down.

CORRESPONDENCE CHESS: the check really is in the mail.On the Internet, it is a method of play to see who has the strongest chess computer.

CROQUET:Chess with sweat.

DANISH GAMBIT: opening for pastry lovers.

DEEP BLUE:Joel Benjaminís favorite color.

DISCOVERED ATTACK:Something you find when walking around barefoot near a bulletin board.

DISCOVERED CHECK:one that fell behind a desk long time ago.

DOUBLE CHECK:Something you do when you shopped at Target recently.

DRAW:Something that Marcel Duchamp was good at.

DUFFER:Any chess player who can beat you 3 times in a row, and wonít play you again.

ENDGAME:Punishment for missing a win before move 20.It is your last opportunity to miss a draw or win.

ETHICS IN CHESS:Undefined.

FIANCHETTO:Pinnochio's last name.

FISH:A weak player that falls for all your traps and still wins.

FOOL'S MATE:A chessplayer's spouse.

FORESIGHT:The ability to play in those chess tournaments that you are sure you are the highest rated player and are sure of winning.

FRENCH DEFENSE: a Maginot line.

FRIED LIVER ATTACK:a form of indigestion.

GAMBIT:An unsound sacrifice in the opening.

GOOD BISHOP:Your opponentís bishop, and you canít block it.

GRANDMASTER:A player so strong, that he can draw all his games.

GRANDMASTER DRAW:A short game in which both players are afraid of each other.

GRECO GAMBIT: opening for wrestlers.

If-Move.A method of predicting the next move to shorten a postal chess game from 12 months to 11 months and 3 weeks.

HANGING PAWN:A pawn that committed suicide (could also be a poisoned pawn).

HELPMATE:Your spouse when you are sick in bed and canít move.

ILLEGAL:a sick bird.

JíADOUBE:French for ďif I move this piece, I may lose the game.Ē

KIBITZER:A spectator that gives good advice to your opponent and bad advice to you.

KINGíS INDIAN REVERSED:NAIDNI SGNIíK.

KNIGHT ENDING:dawn.

LOST GAME:Something your opponent had for the past 10 moves, before he won.

MAROCZY:A chess master who always got in a bind.

MAROCZY BIND:an unusual form of constipation.

MATE: spouse.

MINORITY ATTACK:a civil rights revolt.

MORAL VICTORY:A term used to make the loser feel better after he got crushed.

OPEN FILE:A Word document that you are editing.

OVERPROTECTION:A term coined by Aron Nimzowitch about his relationship with his mother.

PIN:A sharp move.

RANK:A military term for enlisted men and officers.1st rank could be a 2nd Lieutenant.7th rank could be a general.

ROUND ROBIN:Fat bird.

SACRIFICE:Any piece that was left unprotected and taken for free.

SAM LOYD:An endgame composer always causing problems.

SANDBAGGER:Person who helps out during floods and hurricanes.

SELF-HELP MATE: a bigamist.

SIESTA VARIATION: taking a nap before noon.

SKITTLES:Fruit-favored candy.

STALEMATE:a spouse who keeps repeating the same old jokes.

SUDDEN DEATH:What happened to Paul Keres, Jose Capablanca, and Alexander Alekhine.

SWINDLE:The only way an opponent can be beaten.

SWISS-SYSTEM:A pairing system full of homes.

TIE:What you wear with a suit.

TRAP:Something you saw, but forgot about until you fell into it and lost.

THEORETICAL NOVELTY:A old, forgotten move that excites a master.

WON GAME:Any game you lost.

WOODPUSHER:lobbyist for the timber industry.

ZUGZWANG:German for "constipated."The term is used when it hurts to move.